Velour Legume Serenade

Wish I was being lowered
a great height on a stage
right now or yesterday say
and reliving it right now
side-saddle on a swing
dangled with some sort of
invisible wire system like
a giant crescent moon
but instead of the moon
it’s a gherkin or a cashew
or a carrot or a legume
so dizzyingly big
it just looks weird
to read to you
and the first line is
poetry is in a shabby state
and the second line is
that’s how I like it
the legume has to be minimum
27 x the size of me
I was once accused
of internalising normativity
and I was like
Norma Tivity?
Get out of here
although i did once
internalise her brother
Gary he was nice
he didn’t exist
you knew that already
you were just playing along
do legumes have dimples?
Maybe we need a retractable
spike to avoid getting too
comfortable in the rut
it would be ace if the material
was velour a velour legume
when I said get out of here
it was a joke
I didn’t mean it
behind me + legume
the walls suddenly
open little trapdoors and
six tongues come out
flapping to the tune of
“Don’t leave
I didn’t mean it
The show is about to begin”
I would like a jacket
made out of the skins
of kiwi fruits
but it seems cruel
maybe a vest?
if I work on my abs
hi Norma
didn’t expect to see you here
say hi to Gary for me
I have this gift for the serenade
where I can read in front of an audience
without a book in my hands
I got taught it by a spoken word
artist
love you all
it’s important here
for this poem
because the book
or the piece of paper
would get in the way
of me saying
what I want to say
which is
oh hoist me up
hedonist engineers
of yore
whisk me away
whisk me back up
hoist & whisk
in one motion if you can
in the dimple of my
legume covered
in velour
sweeties twist your hips
and hoist and whisk
that’s it that’s the motion
darlings darlings darlings
whisk & hoist me away
on my velour legume
I love you

Colin Herd